I'm Lost Without You
by Julesahtron
Summary: After Ron gets killed in the final battle, Hermione doesn't know what to do with herself. Snape is found alive and helps Hermione through her grief while he battles with feelings he shouldn't have. SSHG. Rated M for a reason.
1. My Life Just Lost All Meaning

_**Author's Note: Thanks for taking the time to read. I've spent the last three weeks without internet (it was hell) and this story is the product of it. There are more chapters, but I don't want to post them all at once. My aim from now on is to write and post a chapter a week until completion. The title was a working title, relating to the song I was listening to whilst writing this, but it seems apt. **_

_**It is rated M for a reason, the later chapters do have mature themes. You have been warned.**_

_**Usual Disclaimer's apply. I own none of the characters, place names, actions etc. Chapter titles are song lyrics, and I do not claim credit for them. No money is being made from this.**_

Hermione sat in the Great Hall feeling as destroyed as her surroundings. There was a lot of activity going on around her; family members hugging each other, relieved that all was well, people mourning the loss of loved ones, people being healed by the school nurse. Of course, the Weasleys were just as distraught, if not more, having lost two sons, but she couldn't bear to be near them, she just needed to feel numb by herself.

Ron had been hit by a rogue death eater's killing curse, who had stayed behind after Voldemort's demise. He had been aiming the spell at Harry but Ron jumped in front of him, saving his best friend and sacrificing himself. The death eater had immediately been stunned and arrested, but that didn't take away the fact that he was gone. Ron was gone and never coming back. Hermione had never felt so empty in her life and didn't even glance up when a stretcher was brought in surrounded by a lot of Aurors, with Harry talking incredibly fast with them. Instead of mourning over the death of Ron, he had got stuck in with the recovery of the castle and its grounds.

Hermione had no idea how long she had been sat alone when Harry came to talk with her. He sat next to her and put an arm around her, pulling her towards him.

"I can't…" she began before breaking down.

Harry held her tight to him, letting tears fall from his eyes for the first time. He knew where she had been going with her unspoken words, and he felt exactly the same. Nothing had compared to this emptiness. He hadn't wanted anyone to die for him, but none had felt as painful as this. Ron had been like a brother to him, he'd known him longer than anyone else at Hogwarts, other than Hagrid. He'd spent almost every day with him, complaining about essays and exams, messing around with fake wands, having more adventures than he can remember with his invisibility cloak. He'd been there every time Voldemort had tried to kill him; he was loyal until the very end. Thinking back over their years together, his silent tears turned into wracking sobs, and he felt a pain he'd never felt before.

Eventually, the tears subsided and they sat in comfortable silence for a little while.

"Hermione?" Harry whispered. Her deep breathing and verbal silence confirmed Harry's thoughts that she had fallen asleep in his arms. He rested his head on hers and closed his eyes.

When Hermione awoke, it was to find herself lying on a bed in the Great Hall. She sat up quickly, confused as to her surroundings. Then the events of yesterday came flooding back, and she collapsed back down, pulling the blanket over her head. How was she supposed to continue living when her life had died yesterday? She tried to look to the future but could see nothing but darkness. She thought of Harry and wondered where he was now and how he was feeling. She peeked out of the blanket, taking in her surroundings. The occupant of the bed next to hers had their back to her clearly still asleep. It was too big to be Harry, so she turned to look to her other side. That bed was empty. She sat up again, slower this time, looking around the room. Some beds were occupied, some were empty. She eventually spotted Harry at the front of the hall, talking with Madam Pomfrey.

She rubbed her eyes before getting up and walking towards them. She suddenly felt light-headed. She must have got up a little too quick. She slowed down to try and let her body catch up. It never did however and she collapsed. She could hear voices all around her, but they sounded muffled, distant, fuzzy. All she could see was darkness and stars. She felt semi-aware of what was going on. She felt her body being lifted and carried, placed down onto a bed. She felt a cold compress on her forehead.

She slowly opened her eyes, and saw Harry looking down upon her.

"Don't scare me like that Hermione." He said lightly.

"What… What happened?" she whispered.

"You've been through a lot. Your body couldn't cope with the stress. Understandable, of course."

"But I just wanted to come and talk to you. See how you were doing." Hermione looked down at her hands, fidgeting.

"Of course, it hurts for me too, I'd be fool to pretend it doesn't. But I'm more concerned for you. He was yours. That's gonna hurt in ways I can't even begin to understand."

"Harry, I… I just can't… I can't see a future without him!" she sobbed.

Harry hugged Hermione.

"Look, I know it's gonna be hard to get over this. But you will. In time. I promise. You'll always have me. And Ginny. And the rest of the Weasleys. We'll never leave you, I promise. I think this has proved more than anything that we need to stick together, always."

"What's going to happen now?" she asked.

"We rebuild. The castle will be rebuilt by the teachers. The Ministry will be rebuilt by its remaining staff."

"What about you?"

"I'm going to live at Grimmauld Place. Ask Ginny to move in with me."

"That's amazing! You two, living together, so sweet!" Hermione smiled for the first time since Ron's death.

"Shh! I haven't asked her yet. I'm going to give her a little while. I think her family just need to be together for now. I was going to ask you though; would you like to stay with me? I think we need to just have each other to be there."

"Ok. I will stay with you. But I'm going to stay here for a few days. I think I just need to see how things pan out here."

Harry proceeded to fill Hermione in on who else had died, and who had survived. But perhaps the most shocking of all to Hermione was Professor Snape's survival.

Apparently the pain he was feeling had caused him just to pass out. He was currently being treated right here in the school by some healers that had come over from St. Mungo's. They had treated him with various antidotes and closed the wound in his neck. He had lost a lot of blood so he was under orders to not leave his bed. Harry had shown the Order and Ministry the memories that Snape had given him.

"Can I see the memories?" Hermione asked.

Harry took Hermione to what was now Professor McGonagall's office and showed her what he had seen.

Hermione came back from the Pensieve with a look of pure shock on her face.

"So he always was on our side!" she exclaimed.

Harry nodded.

"And… how do you feel about what you saw in there… other than the bit about you dying?"

"It is what it is. The past can't be changed."

There was a finality in his tone that told Hermione he didn't want to discuss it.

They made their way back to the Great Hall, where lunch was being served. After eating, Harry and Hermione spent the afternoon helping rebuild the castle.


	2. These Demons, They Keep Me Up All Night

Hermione woke up in a cold sweat. Ron's death replayed in her dreams repeatedly. She looked over to the bed to her left and saw her old potions master staring at her. She gasped, not realising that he had been in the bed next to her. He turned over immediately, avoiding her gaze.

Hermione's brain went into overdrive. Now that she knew everything he had done for them, she was seeing him in a different light. It had been no wonder he had been such a bitter man. Harry's father had unwittingly taken away everything Snape had ever loved. Snape had unwittingly given Lily her death sentence. The guilt must've driven him to near madness. He'd spent the last year being accused of murdering Dumbledore, when Dumbledore had practically forced him into killing him.

Yes, Snape had played his part so well, he had fooled so many people, no one ever knew where his true loyalties lied and after Dumbledore's death both sides believed him to be Voldemort's man through and through.

After lying awake for some time, Hermione decided to go down to the kitchens and seek something to drink. The house elves were already busy preparing breakfast and were more than happy to give Hermione a glass of orange juice. Once she had finished, she asked for a cup of coffee. They happily obliged, and five minutes later she was entering the Great Hall holding a steaming hot mug. She walked past her own bed to Snape's. He was lying on his back staring at the ceiling, emotionless. She placed the cup of coffee onto his bedside cabinet, and returned to her own bed without saying anything. She couldn't think of what to say and doubted he wanted a conversation anyway.

Snape glanced at Hermione as she climbed back into her bed, and drank the coffee down. He was silently grateful for this act of kindness but did not want to show it. He didn't want to even be here and was looking forward to being allowed home. The healers were insufferable, but even he hadn't felt strong enough to go home yet, as much as his stubbornness wanted him to. He'd been sure he was going to die in the Shrieking Shack, and had made his peace with the world, now here he was lying in the Great Hall wishing to be home alone, wishing he'd been left to die. Now Potter knew everything about the past that he'd fought hard to try and forget. He'd never felt as vulnerable as he did right now, and he hated it. He'd spent so long with his guard up and he'd come to feel safest when he was deflecting attention away from himself by pointing out other people's flaws.

People around him were beginning to stir. He glanced to his right, and saw Hermione climbing back out of bed and leaving the Hall. More than likely, she was going to continue the rebuild. There was a part of him that wanted to help, but he was under strict bed rest orders. He wasn't one to adhere to such nonsense, but on the occasions he had attempted to leave his bed without help, he had felt incredibly light headed and dizzy. He was smart enough not to attempt to work through that.

He spent the rest of the day reading books brought to him from the library by an overly cheerful healer. He didn't want to read these books, but it was the quickest way to pass the day. It wasn't like he could do much else.

Darkness had fallen before Hermione returned to her bed, and Snape pretended to be asleep. He did not want to be engaged into conversation.

He heard her settle, and he chanced a glance through half opened eyelids. The moonlight shone on her face and he was sure he could see tears rolling down her cheeks. It was not long before her silent tears became wracking sobs. He felt awkward and unsure how to react. He felt a twinge of guilt at leaving her to deal with her pain alone. He had heard about Weasley's death, and he could fully relate with Granger's pain.

Eventually, the sobbing subsided, and Snape could see she had fallen asleep. He himself turned over and tried to sleep himself. He had much difficulty and eventually opted for the sleeping potion the healers had left for him.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep for when he was awoken by a blood-curdling scream. He sat bolt upright in his bed, looking around for the source. He didn't have to look far.

Snape leapt out of his bed, and gently shook Hermione awake. Her eyes opened suddenly and she leapt backwards in her bed, almost falling off in the process, if it hadn't been for his arms holding onto her.

She began sobbing almost immediately, and Snape awkwardly held onto her, trying to calm her down. He looked around the room mindlessly, noticing that over the course of the last few days most people had taken to leaving the castle at night.

"Professor Snape…." Hermione muttered after some time.

"Yes, Miss Granger?" he whispered, looking down at her.

She inclined her head so she could look at him as she spoke.

"Why are you here? On my bed…?"

"Well, you woke me up. You had clearly been dreaming vividly. You were screaming, and I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"But… You hate me. You've spent the last 6 or 7 years belittling us, ignoring us or else taking points from us."

Snape looked at the floor for a moment, considering his answer. He had never really hated her. She had been one of the better ones. But he would never have shown any sort of kindness to anyone who reminded him of his childhood.

"I have a sleeping potion you can use if you are having problems escaping your nightmares." He stepped over to his bedside cabinet and picked up the bottle he'd used himself that evening and handed it to Hermione.

"You don't need much," he continued. "Just a mouthful should do the trick. Any more than that and you'll sleep far longer than is considered healthy."

Hermione, noticing the deflection from her previous statement, opened the bottle and took a sip and almost immediately felt the effects. Her eyelids were drooping and she felt overcome with drowsiness so deep that she felt she had not slept for a week and that she could sleep for longer than that.

Snape saw her body relaxing and took the bottle from her hand and set it back upon his own bedside table. By the time he turned back around, Hermione's breathing had become deep and even. He pulled the duvet over her to keep her warm before getting back onto his own bed and taking his own sip of sleeping potion.


	3. She's Not Got Much More Left To Give

Two weeks had passed since Ron's death, and the castle was nearing completion. Hermione could sense that she was running out of time to stay in the castle. She found that she was rather enjoying the distraction and the company of helping rebuild Hogwarts. She had been using Snape's sleeping potion every night since her first trial of it. She knew that once she left Hogwarts she'd be left without that comfort too. Snape himself had almost completely healed and even spent a couple of hours a day also helping the rebuild, before he became too tired to continue.

The sun was sinking low in the sky and people were heading into the Great Hall for dinner when Harry took Hermione to one side.

"Are you ever going to come stay at Grimmauld Place?" he asked.

Hermione stared at her feet for a moment before replying.

"I… Of course. I'm waiting for the castle to be finished."

"It's not far off. Why don't you come back tomorrow? The Weasley's are coming round for tea and I know they really want to see you."

Hermione hesitated.

"At least think about it." Harry continued when Hermione did not reply.

"Ok. I'll think about it." She said, finally.

"Look, there's something else I wanted to tell you. We're gonna have a memorial built in the grounds. For everyone who died in the wars. Of course, Ron's name will be on there, along with Lupin and Tonks and Sirius and Fred and everyone else. It's going to be unveiled next Friday. I think you should come. It'll give us all closure over it all. I think that's what we all need really."

"Ok." Was all Hermione could say, before she turned and entered the Great Hall.

She didn't feel like eating anymore though, and made her way to the back of the Hall, where Snape was sat alone, reading a book.

They sat in companionable silence while everyone else in the Hall was eating.

"I'm guessing you've heard about the memorial?" Snape said without lifting his eyes from his book once the Hall had emptied.

Hermione sighed.

"I think it'll be really helpful for you. Closure and all that guff."

"That's what Harry said," she replied.

"He has a point." Snape turned a page in his book. "And I think it's about time you went back to Grimmauld Place."

"Has Harry put you up to this?" Hermione snapped.

"It may have escaped your attention but you are not the only one mourning. He is in that house alone and he misses his best friends. The least you could do is pull yourself out of your own self-pity and go and keep him company."

Hermione looked up in shock. He could not believe the one person who had been of the greatest help over the last fortnight was speaking to her in this way. And it was then that she realised he had never stopped hating her; he had just been so bored that he was using her to keep himself occupied.

She wanted to yell at him that he couldn't possibly understand how she was feeling and how dare he be so insensitive. But she was so angry at him that she could feel tears stinging the back of her eyes, so instead got up and stormed out of the Great Hall, walked through the Entrance Hall into the grounds, and sat down under a tree next to the lake.

She let her tears flow freely down her face, her mind racing, going over everything Snape had said, and as much as she hated to admit it, conceded that he was right. She had spent the last two weeks being incredibly selfish, not even thinking how Harry might be feeling, nor the Weasley's or anyone else. As she thought about it, she realised everyone she knew at Hogwarts was as much a victim as she had been feeling she was. Everyone had lost somebody at the hands of Lord Voldemort and she had acted as if she was the only one.

She heard footsteps behind her in the grass, and she turned to see Harry walking towards her. She stood up and ran into his arms, hugging him like she'd never hugged him before.

"Harry, I'm so sorry, I've been so selfish!" she sobbed into his shoulder.

Harry returned the hug, and the pair didn't move for some time.

When at last they parted, Hermione smiled sheepishly at Harry and Harry grinned back.

"I will come back to Grimmauld Place with you tomorrow. I want to stay here one more night, but tomorrow, at the end of the day I'll come to yours. And the memorial is a great idea, to honour all of them, it's the least we can do."

Harry and Hermione sat under the tree for a good few hours, recounting tales of their time at Hogwarts.

Speaking about Ron, laughing at old memories, reminiscing about old teachers, it felt to Hermione as if a great heaviness had been lifted from her chest. The constant ache she'd felt in the pit of her stomach seemed to be fading.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Snape watched Hermione stomp out of the Great Hall, knowing that although his words had been harsh, they had been needed. She had been of great comfort to him over the last fortnight, but knew she'd be better off away from the school, back with friends.

He'd been happier this past two weeks than he had been in years. She had not been an intrusive companion, but she was someone intellectually stimulating when discussing books that each of them had been reading. He had never known himself to talk so much with anyone else. Not since….

Well, now his guard was down to those levels again, and he made a mental note to put that guard back up, he could not allow himself to become vulnerable.

He caught a glimpse of Harry leave the Great Hall, and knew he was going to talk to her. He himself slinked out to the Entrance Hall, and stood in the shadows, watching as Hermione turned round, got up and hugged Harry and he felt a twinge in his stomach that had nothing to do with hunger.

He watched as they sat back down under the tree, saw Hermione crack a smile, and eventually allowed herself to laugh and Snape could not help but feel pleased she had finally broken through the depression that he sensed had been consuming her since the conclusion of the battle. He knew that in all likelihood she would spend the night crying her heart out again, as she had been most nights before taking her potion. But he also knew the more time she spent with Harry, the less she would feel overcome with grief.

As the lights around him dimmed, he watched for a few more minutes before returning to his bed in the Hall. Tomorrow, he decided there and then, he would return home for the night.

Around half an hour later, as Snape was just getting himself ready to take his sleeping potion, he noticed Hermione entering the Great Hall. He didn't feel like talking with her this evening, so feigned sleep.

As she took the bottle from his bedside cabinet, he sensed her lingering next to his head. Eventually she whispered so that only he could hear her.

"I know you're awake, and you don't want to talk. That's fine. But I just wanted to say thank you. Everything you said was right, and I'm sorry for storming out on you like that. I guess what they say is right; the truth hurts. Anyway, I'll leave you be, I'm sure you'll grab the sleeping potion when you are ready."

He opened his eyes slightly, and looked on as she climbed into bed and took the sleeping potion. He felt another twinge in the pit of his stomach, similar to the one he felt earlier and mentally chastised himself. He knew what it was, but was adamant that he wouldn't admit it to himself. Admitting it to himself would make it real. He turned over, closed his eyes and tried to distract himself by mentally planning lessons for the following term. Sure, it was months away yet, but he couldn't allow the thoughts that were flitting in and out of his mind to make a home there.


	4. But Dreams Can't All Be Real

_**Author's Note: Thank you all so much for the awesome reviews. I really struggled with the following couple of chapters while I set everything up. Knowing where you want to go and getting there are two different stories! So apologies if the next couple chapters seem a bit… meh, but please stick with it! **_

_**Again, there are Mature themes, so please exercise caution. It is rated M for a reason. And also, anything you recognise is not mine.**_

Snape was teaching the third year Gryffindors when Hermione rushed in to the classroom, flustered, her hair dishevelled, her face red.

"Severus, you need to come, quickly!" she cried.

"Continue with your class assignment," he announced to the class. "I don't expect to return to chaos."

He followed her out the door, and suddenly, instead of being in the corridor, they were in his office, and they were kissing passionately, his tongue exploring her mouth.

She pushed him into his desk, and he picked her up and lay her down upon it. Their clothes seemed to vanish instantly, and her mouth was wrapped around his hard cock, and he was fighting the urge to come right there and then. He could feel the back of her throat and groaned in pleasure.

Suddenly, the door burst open and he caught a glimpse of red hair before Hermione got on her knees to continue kissing him, apparently unaware of the intruder, and suddenly he was the one lying on the desk, Hermione riding him rhythmically. All the while, he was trying to turn her attention to the fact that they were not alone; he looked round and Weasley was mortified by what he was witnessing and it was then that he noticed Lily wearing the same look she wore when he'd inadvertently ended their friendship.

He forced himself awake, and he sat bolt upright in the Hall, rubbing his eyes with one hand. He turned to Hermione's bed, and found, to his relief, that she had already got up and left the Hall.

He got up and went down to his living quarters in the dungeons, feeling the best solution was a cold shower.

As the cold water soaked his body, he felt a great sense of relief. It was just a dream, he told himself. Dreams mean nothing whatsoever. Sure, he had been feeling a little aroused lately, but it had been due to the fact that it had been so long since he'd enjoyed the company of a woman, nor had he really had any time to sort himself out. The only reason it'd been Granger was because he'd spent so much time in her company lately and hers was the last voice he'd heard before falling asleep. Weasley was obviously there because of his guilt at taking advantage of a former student whose boyfriend had just died and Lily… Well, Lily had been haunting his dreams for as long as he could remember. As always when Lily had featured in one of his dreams, he had an overwhelming desire to visit her grave. He got out of the shower and dressed himself before heading upstairs to work some more on the rebuild.

As evening fell, he bid farewell to his colleagues and explained he would be going home tonight. He would be back tomorrow to help add the finishing touches.

"Oh, but Severus, why don't you just relax at home tomorrow?" McGonagall replied. "It won't take all of us to finish off. Take some time to yourself, but you should come to the memorial day next Friday."

"Perhaps." Snape said simply, before striding off to the gates so he could Apparate from beyond them. He spun on the spot and when he appeared in Godric's Hollow, his mind was marvelling at his luck of being able to avoid Granger all day.

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

Hermione had awoken that morning to see Severus wriggling in his sleep. He was murmuring something as well, but she couldn't make out what it was.

Deciding to leave him be, she got up. She left the Great Hall and spotted Professor McGonagall giving instructions to some of the teachers.

"What is there left to do?" she asked her.

"Oh, Miss Granger, Mr Potter asked me to send you to Grimmauld Place today. We both agree that there is little left to do and to let some people leave. You're one of the lucky ones. And you deserve a day off I think." McGonagall smiled.

"Are you sure? I really don't mind helping."

"I know, Miss Granger, but you've worked non-stop since the Battle finished. You'll wear yourself out. Go and enjoy some time with Mr Potter, and I presume I shall see you next Friday."

"Thank you, Professor. See you soon."

And with that Hermione walked towards the gates so as to Apparate from beyond them, a little sad that she was leaving the one person that had been a great source of comfort.

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

He walked past the Potter memorial and treaded the route he'd completed a million times before. He looked down upon the headstone, as a single tear slid down his cheek. He spoke aloud to the grave; it had always made him feel better hearing himself speak.

He started off with the final battle at Hogwarts. He spoke of Harry's bravery and leadership, how the fact that even though he himself had spent the last 6 years berating and bullying the boy, he had still come to his aid. He had also cleared his name with the Ministry for him.

After he completed recounting the battle and proceeding days, he finished by speaking of last night's dream, ending with a slight chuckle.

"The more I think about it, the more amusing it becomes," he mused. "It's so ridiculous and farfetched!"

He spent a few minutes in silence before checking his watch and deciding it was time he took his leave. He Apparated home quickly so he could collect some Muggle money before he Apparated to The Leaky Cauldron, leaving from the front entrance into London.

He went to his usual pub in the West End, knowing it was easy pickings for what he wanted. He ordered a drink and sat in the corner, biding his time.

It wasn't long before he zoned in on a slim, black-haired, thirty-something woman, out with her friend who was being chatted up by a younger man.

"Don't you hate when that happens?" he murmured in her ear.

"What's that?" she replied with a smile.

"When the guy's too nervous to talk to the beautiful one, so talks to her friend instead?"

She giggled nervously.

"I'm not as cowardly however, as you can tell by the fact I am talking to you," he continued.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"Al," the lie rolled off his tongue easily. "And what should I call you?"

"Michelle."

"Can I get you a drink?"

"Um… Can I have a red wine please?"

Snape got up and went to the bar, ordering drinks for the two of them. He noticed the friend's admirer also ordering drinks.

It didn't take long for Michelle to offer him a nightcap at her apartment. Playing the part he'd played so many times before, he hesitated. "I'm not sure that's the best idea," he murmured.

"You're not married are you?" she asked suspiciously.

"No, it's not that… I feel if I ended up alone with you I could easily take advantage of you, given your drunken state."

She laughed. "Honey, I would be taking advantage of you!" She moved in closer to him, her hand stroking the inside of his thigh, and whispered "You being such a gentleman is turning me on even more."

Snape smirked, and allowed her to take his hand and drag him out to the street where she hailed down a taxi. They got in, and after telling the cab driver her address, she pulled Snape closer to her, pressing her lips to his. She made to put her hand down his trousers, however Snape gripped her wrist in his hand.

"Patience," he commanded.

"You really know how to turn a woman on!" she exclaimed.

The taxi pulled up outside an apartment block and Snape paid the driver.

She pulled him upstairs quickly, and Snape knew he'd got lucky with this one; so desperate she was, she was quickly becoming agitated as she hunted her door keys in her bag. Eventually she found them, unlocked the door and led him inside. She closed the door and Snape barely had time to take in the small apartment before she was all over him.

He kissed her gently, put his hands on her waist, slowly moving the left one up to cup a breast, his lips moving slowly down her neck.

She was unbuttoning his shirt, her hands feeling his chest, before moving down and undoing his trousers, and as she put his hard cock into her mouth, the dream he had had last night sprang to the front of his mind. He looked down at Michelle to try and rid his mind of Granger. He allowed her a few more minutes before he stood her up, undressed her and pushed her down onto her couch. He guided himself in to her gently before he fucked her hard and fast. She cried out in pleasure; he could feel her contracting, and as he closed his eyes to come, Granger's face floated to the front of his mind. His eyes snapped open quickly to concentrate on Michelle's face instead.

"Are you ok?" she asked him as he lay on top of her. "You seemed to zone out a bit there… looked as though you saw a ghost."

He remained quiet as he tried to focus on where he was, who he was with. Eventually, he looked up to her face, blowing the hair out of his face. She looked concerned as he got up and gathered his clothes.

"Leaving so soon?" she sounded disappointed.

"May I use your bathroom?" he asked.

"Yeah, it's at the end of the hall."

He walked to the bathroom, put his clothes back on and Apparated back to Spinner's End.


	5. Maybe It's Best You Leave Me Alone

Hermione woke up on her first morning in Grimmauld Place feeling better than she had done for weeks. Last night with the Weasleys had been incredibly therapeutic, and felt that she had begun the journey on the road to recovery. It was the first time she started to see a future for herself.

The days went by quickly, and before long it was the day of the memorial. Hermione had spent the last few days with mixed emotions. A part of her was dreading the sadness of the day. Another part was happy for the closure she expected the day would bring her.

Harry, Ginny and Hermione Apparated to Hogsmeade together early enough to have breakfast at Hogwarts before the service began. It was the first time either of them had been back since it had been completely rebuilt, and they were all happy to see it looked as if there had been no battle.

They entered the Great Hall which looked as busy as it would on a normal school day; students past and present had turned up for the event. Hermione felt the back of her eyes sting as just the presence of so many of her classmates brought back the memories of her school years, and the memories of Ron.

They found the rest of the Weasleys sat near the front of the hall, and they joined them. Mrs Weasley looked as if she too was finding the day incredibly overwhelming. They sat in companionable silence as they all ate together, before Professor McGonagall stated the memorial would be beginning in ten minutes and for people to begin making their way outside.

Hermione followed Harry and the Weasleys out of the Hall, and as she was walking through the Entrance Hall, she spied Professor Snape standing in the shadows near the door. She broke away from the group and made her way towards him.

"Good morning," she said to him.

He looked down at her with an expressionless face.

"Hello, Miss Granger," he replied stiffly.

"Would you like to sit next to us during the memorial?" she asked, aware that he didn't really want any idle chit chat.

He considered the offer for a moment.

"You're not going to talk to me all day are you?"

"No, of course not, I just don't want you to be sat on your own."

He followed her out into the grounds. They found seats near Harry and the Weasleys. The memorial statue was unveiled after a few minutes. A gold phoenix sat atop a large plinth. Engraved on the plinth were the names of all had died in both wizard wars. Harry made a speech thanking everyone who had fought with him, apologising for the lives lost and families torn apart and that he knew the statue could never make up for their loss, but that he hoped it helped in their journey to find closure.

Tears ran freely down Hermione's face at Harry's words, and once the ceremony was over, she shared hugs with Harry and the Weasleys. Professor Snape had stalked back inside before she even had a chance to thank him for coming.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

Snape awoke on the day of the memorial ceremony feeling apprehensive about the day ahead. He had spent the last week sitting alone in his house drinking until he fell asleep. It did not help his dreams in any way, but considering the subject of some of them, he wasn't sure he wanted to stop dreaming; in his dreams he wasn't the bitter old man he was in waking life.

He Apparated to Hogsmeade and arrived at Hogwarts just as people were finishing breakfast. He didn't particularly want to be seen, and so he waited just inside the doors of the Entrance Hall. He saw Granger before she saw him. He was glad she had come. He knew as painful as this day would be for her, it would also be a great help.

"Good morning," she chimed, looking even more attractive than he remembered. He wanted nothing more than to take her from that moment and comfort her in silence, in a place where no one could touch them, no one could hurt them.

He knew his reply came out sounding less than friendly, but he felt he should distance himself from her as much as possible, he didn't want to give her any false hope that they would be anything more than professor and student. But he had no idea how to get out of sitting next to her for the service, and he reluctantly went along with it.

He watched the tears streaming down her face and wanted nothing more than to be able to comfort her, but to do so would reveal his vulnerability. As soon as the ceremony was over, he made his way back inside the castle, down to his dungeons.

He entered his classroom which had been unoccupied for some time now, sat at his desk and broke down. He knew coming today had been a bad idea. Potter's words had touched him, as much as he hated to admit it to himself. He could so easily have been one of those names on that plinth and ever since he was brought back from the brink he felt like an emotional wreck. He couldn't work out why, he had dealt with pain and suffering for as long as he could remember.

He banged his fists on his desk in frustration. This was not him, he could not allow this to happen. He stood up so quickly his chair flew backwards. He paced up and down trying to clear his head.

He heard a knock on his door before he saw it open slowly. He turned to face the opposite wall. Whoever it was could not see him in this state.

"Professor?" he heard Granger's voice and he wanted to scream.

"What?" he snapped.

"I wondered where you'd got to, I wanted to…"

"Get out." He interrupted.

"Excuse me?" she sounded taken aback, but he didn't care.

"GET OUT!" he yelled. He turned around, and stormed towards her, pushing her out of the door, slamming it shut behind her. He fell to his knees and cried out in anguish.

SSHGSSHGSSHG

After spending some time admiring the statue, Hermione made her way back into the castle. She scanned the Great Hall looking for Professor Snape but could not see him and thought he might have gone down to his classroom.

She made her way down to the dungeons and knocked on his door before entering.

"Professor?" she whispered when she saw him standing at the back of the classroom.

His reply sounded off, but she continued to speak.

When he interrupted her, she wasn't sure she'd heard correctly and questioned him. He yelled like she'd never heard him yell before and when he turned around he had the look of a madman, pure hatred in his expression, charging towards her like a bull. He pushed her so hard she hit the wall in the corridor as he slammed the door shut.

Shocked by his behaviour, she made her way back upstairs to the Great Hall. She was not going to let him ruin her day. Today was about celebrating the people who'd given up their lives for each and every person here. If he was too busy having a strop to accept her thanks, then that was his problem, and she vowed not to bother him again.


	6. Nothing Kills Like Being Alone

_**A/N: Sorry, this one is incredibly short, but next one is a little longer and I'll post it in a couple of days. Also, I am grateful for every single person that reads and reviews and I extend my thanks to all of you for sticking with it. I promise it starts to pick up after this one.**_

Snape spent the rest of the day lying on the floor of his classroom, arms and legs spread wide, guilt eating away at him. Why did he always have to drive away the people that showed him any sort of kindness?

He had been given a second chance at life; he should not be wasting it. Yet here he was, lying on the floor for what could very well have been days. He eventually mustered up the willpower to stand up. He left the classroom and wandered upstairs. The castle seemed to be completely deserted, and the doors were now locked. He pulled out his wand to unlock the doors and locked them behind him.

The grounds were now shrouded in darkness, and he cast Lumos to find his way to the gates. He made his way down to The Three Broomsticks for a drink before he went back home. He ordered a Firewhiskey are the bar, and found a table in the back corner of the pub.

As he downed his drink, he noticed Madam Rosmerta staring at him. This made him uncomfortable, so he took a book out of his robes and began reading. He had only read a few pages when a shadow darkened his corner. He looked up and saw Rosmerta standing there with a glass of Firewhiskey. She set it down upon the table in front of the professor with a smile before walking away.

Odd, the professor thought to himself. Why would she be so kind? He continued reading glancing up occasionally. Every time, she appeared to be deep in conversation with someone, but her eyes kept wandering over to him. It made him slightly uncomfortable, and just as he decided he should take his leave, she came over with another drink.

"Rosmerta, I did not ask for another drink," he said, rather irritably.

"No, professor, but I am offering you one," she replied.

"Why?" he said, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Why not? You deserve it after everything you did for us in the wizarding wars."

Snape rolled his eyes. He did not want anyone fawning over him for these reasons.

"If you think plying me with drinks is going to get me to talk, it's not going to work. What I did, why I did it, that's my business, and I will not have you or anyone else trying to snoop into my life."

He began to walk away, but Rosmerta reached for his arm to stop him.

"Forgive me. I'm not trying to get you to talk to me, I just…"

"Don't make me laugh, witch. You want me to open up so that you have something to gossip with your customers about." Snape interrupted.

"Listen! Will you just accept that I am doing this to be nice, not to be two-faced. I don't want you to open up to me about your deepest darkest secrets, I want you accept that there are people who just want to be a friend."

Snape opened his mouth to argue, but he thought of the day's events and realised the woman had a point. He sat back down, and invited the barmaid to join him. He didn't feel much like talking, so allowed her to carry the conversation.

When he finally left the pub in the early hours of the morning, he felt he'd had a wakeup call. He had spent so long shutting people out it had become second nature to do so. Admittedly, he wasn't about to become an outwardly emotional dunderhead, but he felt he could stand to be around other people for longer than five minutes. He apparated back to his house and climbed into bed feeling more positive about his future than he had done for years.


	7. Lost the Words, Lost the Nerve

_**A/N: Told you another update would be soon. This one's a little longer, and I suspect it won't be long before Chapter 8 is ready. Enjoy, you lovely people.**_

Almost two months later, Hermione found herself at the Burrow celebrating Harry's birthday. The conversation had moved onto the summer ball that had been arranged at Hogwarts as a reunion for everybody that fought in the final battle. As people chatted idly about the rumours of who had been booked to perform, Hermione felt a great sadness wash over her. The last and only ball she had been to, she had fallen out with Ron, because he had waited too long to ask her to be his date. Now she couldn't think of anyone that would possibly ask her to be their date.

She began to feel the tears welling up and excused herself from the table and went to the bathroom to allow herself a moment of sadness. She found this had been the best way of dealing with her internal struggles.

As she came out of the bathroom, she jumped as George was stood in the hallway.

"Sorry, Hermione, didn't mean to make you jump," he said as he gave her a hug. "I just came up to check if you were ok?"

"Of course," she replied as she returned the hug.

"You can't fool me, but if you want to keep it to yourself, that's fine. But just remember, I am here for you."

"Thank you."

"Now, I was also wondering, would you like to go to the ball with me, as friends?"

Hermione pulled back from the hug to look into George's face to see if he was joking.

"That sounds great," she said with a smile.

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

Severus adjusted his robes as he waited for Rosmerta to meet him at the gates of Hogwarts. He was feeling apprehensive about this evening, and was nervous about being at such a large social gathering. Thankfully, Rosmerta had agreed to go along with him so he didn't have to sit in a corner alone if he didn't want to. Their friendship had blossomed over the last few weeks, but no matter how much she served as a distraction, he could not help but wonder how Granger had been getting on. He had felt regret in the pit of his stomach ever since the day of the memorial, but he was terrified of apologising.

He stepped into the shadows as more and more people began arriving around him. As Rosmerta approached, he heard a faint pop and across from him appeared Granger with the surviving Weasley twin. He stepped back, hopeful she wouldn't acknowledge him, however he couldn't help but make eye contact as she passed.

"Professor," she nodded curtly as the pair passed him.

He nodded back in his usual expressionless manner. She could not know how much the guilt had eaten away at him.

"Ready?" Rosmerta was at his side.

For a moment, Severus stared after Granger before turning to Rosmerta and giving a slight smile. He held out his arm for her to take and proceeded to walk towards the castle.

Once inside, Severus made a beeline for the drinks table, pouring himself a large glass of firewhiskey and downing it in one before pouring another. Already he was regretting his decision to attend this pointless affair. He decided now would be the time to apologise to Granger if he was ever going to apologise. The two glasses of Firewhiskey had given him the extra confidence to do so without making him so drunk that he became an embarrassment to himself. He looked around the room, eyes scanning for the ginger dunderhead she had brought. If he found him, he'd find her. And there they were, talking to Longbottom just off the centre of the hall. He walked towards them purposefully, but as he got closer, he lost his nerve and walked straight past them. He walked towards the opposite corner in which Rosmerta was conversing with McGonagall.

He swore to himself at his lack of resolve. All he had to do was go up to her and say sorry, what was he so afraid of? But he knew the answer to that - rejection. But why should that bother him so much? Granger was nothing more than a former student. They had a few friendly conversations whilst they both recovered from the final battle, but after that they went their separate ways and would continue to do so whether he apologised or not.

But the longer he thought about it, the more he realised, he didn't want them to go their separate ways. Here was a person with whom he could have an intelligent conversation with, who hadn't judged him on his opinions and who hadn't made him feel like a subordinate.

He had barely been listening to the conversation going on between the two women he had joined when he was asked for an opinion.

"Sorry, what?" he said, caught off-guard with the sudden inclusion.

McGonagall chuckled before repeating herself. "I said it's nice that Hermione Granger didn't feel strange bringing George Weasley as her date. She deserves to be happy, wouldn't you agree?"

She then proceeded to wave them over. Severus sighed and gave a non-committal grunt.

"Hello, Hermione, George," McGonagall greeted them cheerily. They engaged in light conversation, all of them seemingly happy. Severus tried to avoid looking at her at all. But despite his efforts, his eyes roved up her slim body, curves in all the right places, accentuated by the green dress she was wearing. His eyes had just fallen upon her cleavage (barely contained by the dress) when Hermione spoke to him.

"And how have the past couple of months been treating you Professor Snape?"

He looked up to her eyes, her wonderful brown eyes, and suddenly his mind was empty of words.

"Fine," he eventually managed. He wanted so desperately to turn tail and run, but he felt rooted to the spot. His mouth had gone incredibly dry. He gazed around the room, trying to find an excuse to leave.

The others themselves had engaged into their own conversation.

"Granger, I just…" he began, before pausing. He couldn't finish the sentence; he couldn't take the certain rejection.

"Professor, I understand. We all have bad days, and we were all a little emotional that day. It's all water under the bridge. Now, would you like to join me in a drink?"

He looked at her incredulously, not sure whether to be angry that she assumed that that had been what he wanted to say or pleased that he didn't have to say anything.

When he said nothing, she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the drinks table.

"What do you think you're doing Granger?"

"You didn't answer, so I took that as a yes. You're so used to saying no, that your answer caught in your throat." She smiled up at him. He felt his knees weaken a little.

"Have you been drinking, Granger?" he questioned, narrowing his eyes.

"Might've had one or two," she replied with a giggle.

"I thought as much."

He poured them each a Firewhiskey.

"So, tell me Granger, what books have you been reading recently."

And so they entered into a conversation not unlike the many they'd had when both had made the Great Hall their temporary home. Severus felt lighter than he had done for many years, and he knew why - this was the first time in his life that he literally had nothing to worry about.


	8. Inch By Inch, I'm Chemically Changed

_**A/N: Sorry it's been a while since the last update – I started a new job on Monday, and seeing as I have spent the last 3 months unemployed and going to bed at 5am, I am absolutely shattered. Also I was halfway through writing this chapter when I had a better idea and had to scrap the entire thing for it to work. Enjoy, my friends.**_

By the end of the night, most of the guests of the ball had worked their way through immeasurable amounts of alcohol. It was almost 2am when people began saying their goodbyes to one another.

"Are you ready to go, Hermione?" George asked her as she was saying goodbye to Neville. She turned to face him and squinted so she could focus.

"I just need to say goodbye to one more person," she replied.

And she looked around the hall, and eventually saw him sat alone in a corner with a glass in his hand. He looked lost in thought, and he jumped when he noticed her standing next to him. She put her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek.

"Goodbye, Professor, but not for long, because I hope we can continue our discussions in the future."

"Perhaps," he replied, well aware she probably wouldn't even remember this half of the evening when she woke up in the morning.

She stumbled away to where George was waiting. He put his arm around her and Severus looked on, feeling inexplicably hurt.

Once they were out of the grounds, George took the lead and disapparated to Grimmauld Place. He began to say goodbye, but Hermione interrupted him.

"You might as well stay here the night, go back tomorrow."

Being as intoxicated as he was, he followed her indoors. Once inside, Hermione tiptoed to give him a peck on the cheek, but she stumbled. George caught her by the arms, pulling her close to him. And without warning, without knowing who initiated it, they were kissing passionately, hands all over each other.

Hermione lead him upstairs to her room, attempting to be as quiet as possible; she knew Harry and Ginny had come home not long before they had. He laid her down upon her bed, mounting her, kissing her neck, running his hands up her body. He lifted the skirt of her dress up, pulling down her underwear, before he took his trousers off. He slipped a finger inside of her while he took his own underwear off. She moaned slightly, and George withdrew his finger, to enter himself. He kissed her exposed neck as he pounded her hard and fast. She gripped the duvet beneath her to try and stop herself screaming out.

As she climaxed, she closed her eyes, knowing that everything about this situation was so very wrong. But she did not picture Ron as she thought she would. Instead an image of her old potions master swam in her mind, and she wasn't deterred by it. In fact, it turned her on more.

For a while afterwards, George just lay on top of her, face buried in her neck, breathing heavily. Hermione opened her eyes and felt disgusted with herself. She had sobered up somewhat during the encounter and it had not been a good experience. It was not how she had pictured her first time.

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

Snape had had enough of this dire event. He sat in the corner drinking alone, whilst everyone around him became gradually merrier. The crowd in the hall had thinned out considerably when Hermione came to say goodbye. He could easily take advantage of her given her state. Wait, what? Why was he thinking that? Granger is a former student of his, that's all. It must be the Firewhiskey clouding his judgement, making him think he was in one of the muggle bars he frequented. She kissed his cheek and after she stumbled out of the Great Hall, he touched the place her lips had been and thoughts he shouldn't be thinking started running through his head. She's a student, he told himself. But then another voice inside of him reminded him she was a former student. She wasn't his student anymore.

He felt it was time to take his leave now, and sought Rosmerta out to walk her home. Once he himself was home, he went straight to bed, images of Hermione still running through his head. He felt himself getting excited as he climbed into bed. He knew there was nothing else for it, and he allowed his imagination to run away with him as he casually touched himself. She was kissing his cheek; he was undoing the zip on her dress, kissing her neck. He was so hard for her, it was almost painful. Faster and faster his hand worked as his head conjured up different sexual scenarios between himself and Granger. As he finished off he felt shame wash over him. He couldn't believe this is what he had become – a dirty old pervert. He attempted to wash away his own self-loathing by having a shower before he settled into bed for the night.


	9. But I'm Dying Without Your Love

_**A/N: Sorry it's been so long since the last update, I've been unwell recently. I'll TRY and be a bit more prompt with the next one, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's not for another week. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews as well. They've been particularly helpful lately, and I appreciate every single one of them, and I also appreciate every single person that takes the time to read this.**_

_**Ok, loveyoubye.**_

Hermione awoke the next day feeling full of regret from the previous night. George had left almost immediately afterwards, muttering something about feeling awkward. He'd got that right. But she knew one thing was certain – the alcohol had made her feel good last night. One part of her mind was telling her to be sensible but there was a majority part of her that just wanted to go out and get smashed again. She got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast. Harry and Ginny were obviously still in bed. She felt relieved at this. She did not feel like idle chit chat this morning. She needed to talk to someone, but not someone who knew her as well as these two. There was only one person who came to mind who would listen without judging. She vaguely remembered him saying something to her last night. "Owl me any thoughts you have regarding literature."

Ok, so technically this was not going to be literature based chatting. But she felt she had to talk to someone and she hoped he was willing to listen. She found some parchment in a drawer in the kitchen and proceeded to write.

"Professor Snape,

I have some topics that I'd like to discuss with you as soon as possible. Are you available for lunch this afternoon? It is rather urgent.

Yours,

HG"

She borrowed Pigwidgeon and sent him off, hoping he'd be able to find him quickly. She returned to her bedroom and picked up a book. She lay on her bed reading it, and was happy when, a couple of hours waiting there was a tapping at the window.

She strode across the room and opened the window to find a tawny owl sitting majestically on the windowsill. She opened the letter.

"Granger,

Meet me at 1pm, outside the Leaky Cauldron (muggle side).  
That owl of yours was too excitable for my liking.

SS"

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

"Another drink, Granger?" Severus asked.

Hermione giggled uncontrollably. She couldn't explain why, but she had spent the last ten minutes unable to control her laughter. It seemed after a few units of alcohol, her previous potions master had a wickedly dark sense of humour. And it seemed after a few units of alcohol, she found his jokes far funnier than she would've done sober.

They had spent some considerable time in the back of the sophisticated muggle bar people watching. Severus had begun making up humorous back stories for the punters around them, each more ridiculous than the last.

She accepted his offer of another drink, and whilst he was at the bar, she resolved that this was the time to ask his advice. When he returned, she gave her thanks and took a big sip of her vodka lemonade, knowing in her mind she was stalling.

"Professor?" she began.

"Granger, I'm no longer your professor. Call me Severus," he replied, without taking his eyes off the poster above the bar.

"Sorry. Severus, I am in need of some advice."

He turned to look her in the eye, and he sensed this was not something he really wanted be a part of. But he could hardly refuse her whatever she wanted from him, not when she was wearing the expression of someone who was deeply troubled.

"Go ahead," he said after a moment.

She hardly knew where to begin. This was the man whom she had spent six years fearing. Yet, she had also spent that time trying to please him. But he was here now, willing to listen, when she felt there was no one else to turn to.

"Last night, after the ball, I invited George to my house. And, well, I've done something I regret, and I don't know what to do about it, I mean, I'm going to have to see him again, but I don't want a relationship with him, he's Ron's brother and…." She spoke quickly before trailing off.

Severus didn't say anything for a moment. Hermione waited for him to say something, but in his head he just couldn't fathom how this information made him feel. He could feel a dead weight in the pit of his stomach that made him want to vomit. He knew in his head that his attraction to her was purely physical, that it was because he had longed for a friend like her since Lily had disowned him. But the emotional side of him was taking over. People you were only physically attracted to didn't have the power to hurt you when they talked about their sex life.

"Granger, I don't know what advice you would like. You did what many people end up doing whilst drunk, you have slept with someone for the sole purpose of getting over someone. I know you're still not over Weasley, I see the sadness in your eyes every time we meet. It's unfortunate it was with his brother, especially when you still seem so close to his family, but in all fairness, it could've ended up being so much worse. You've been with someone you know and trust instead of a random stranger, and although there may be some initial embarrassment when next you meet, I don't believe for a second he would betray the trust you have placed in him, and you will still be able to continue having a strong relationship with all of the Weasleys."

Hermione sat in silence whilst she mulled over what Severus had said. Of course, he was completely right. After a minute, or maybe five, she got off of the stool she was sat on, approached Severus, and wrapped her arms around him, holding on tightly.

Severus was completely taken aback by her reaction, and was unsure what to do. In a rare showing of affection, he hugged her back. He became slightly uncomfortable when she began crying, but he did not let go until she was ready.

She pulled back eventually, looked him in the eyes and felt sure his gaze was softer than usual. He let go of her and got off of his stool.

"I think it's about time I went home," he said. He walked away without a backwards glance, and left Hermione standing alone feeling incredibly confused.


	10. But I Don't Want To Cause A Scene

_**A/N: Again, apologies for the delays. I have been truly awful at updating. This quite a short chapter, but I hope you find it worth the shortness. Happy Easter all.**_

Severus left the pub and walked down a quiet back alley so he could apparate back home. He hated how he had left things, but how did she expect him to react to a teenage girl's problems? What she did in her personal life was nothing to do with him.

But he hated how her confession had made him feel. Physical pain had engulfed him. He needed to do something about this, but nothing he had tried so far had managed to get the damn girl out of his mind.

He did what he usually did when something was bothering him - he brewed potions. It had often worked in the past to clear his head.

Hours had passed and he was halfway through a particularly difficult brew when a hissing noise had torn him from his thoughts.

"Shit," he muttered, as the cauldron to his left melted. He had left the mixture to stew for too long, a mistake he had never made before.

Frustration got the better of him and he threw the vial he was holding at the wall, glass shattering around him. How had he allowed another human being to make him feel like this?

He cleaned up the mess caused by the potion and left the basement. He walked to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey. He didn't even bother with a glass, choosing to swig from the bottle. He had just settled in the armchair by the fire when he noticed the owl sitting patiently outside the window.

Sighing, he got up and crossed the room, letting the owl in. He opened the letter attached to its leg.

"Professor,

I apologise for this afternoon and hope that this doesn't stop us being friends. I should've known better than to think you wanted to hear about my problems. I really enjoyed the afternoon and I hope we can do it again sometime, this time without anything personal coming into it.

Yours,

HG"

Severus replied immediately.

"Granger,

I think it's for the best we no longer engage in conversation. This 'friendship' has already gone too far.

SS"

As soon as he sent the owl on its way, he regretted his decision. He wanted to see her again. Needed to see her again. He hated to think of the pain that his words would undoubtedly cause.

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

Hermione read the letter over and over. She could not believe that he had done this to her. He had been her rock in the aftermath of the battle. Sure, Harry and Ginny had been there too, but she felt they had not understood her in the way Severus did.

Weeks passed and Hermione spent most days in The Leaky Cauldron, drinking away her pain. It was a particularly grey day when she left the pub at four in the afternoon. She decided to go and see what new books Flourish and Blotts had in stock.

She was perusing the Charms section when the bell above the door tinkled and she looked up. In walked Severus, scarf covering his face, but she recognised the hair, the eyes, the posture he carried. She put the book she was flicking through carelessly back on the shelf and marched up to him.

"What the hell was that letter about?!" she demanded.

He lowered his scarf so he could speak.

"Granger, I don't think this is the time or the place to be discussing a matter which is obviously causing you distress," he replied calmly.

"This is the perfect time and place! I can't believe that you could just cut me off like that, no wonder you've turned out to be a lonely old man, if that's how you treat people who want to get close to you."

Severus led Hermione outside. He could feel people staring.

"I just don't think a friendship between us is appropriate, I am your ex-teacher and I think people would start to gossip." Severus could feel his temper rising as he processed what she had said.

"I didn't think you would be one to care about idle gossip! I thought you were the one person I could depend on, but it seems you're just as unreliable as everyone else. I'd have thought that after everything you've done, you wouldn't be such a coward!"

"Don't call me a coward, I had to cut you off for the good of both of us!"

"What good have you done for the both of us by cutting me off, coward?"

It was a red rag to a bull and he could not stop himself from saying what he had been denying to himself for weeks.

"Because I love you, ok?!"


	11. And What Are Feelings Without Emotions?

_**A/N: Omg guys, I'm so sorry I've kept you waiting so long for this chapter. I genuinely wasn't sure where I was going to go with this! Big shout out to Darren for helping me out. I really will try to be more efficient with chapter 12!**_

Hermione was taken aback at the words she had just heard. She looked him in the eyes, seeing a range of emotions flash through them in a split second; regret, relief, anger, pain, disappointment, sadness and finally, they lingered on tenderness.

She felt tears welling up inside of her, and she couldn't explain why. She did not protest when his hands cupped her face, his lips meeting hers in a gentle manner. He did not stop as her tears fell onto his face. He did not stop as the rain began to pour. He ran his left hand through her hair. Her arms were wrapped through his, her hands resting on the back of his shoulders. All thoughts had left her mind.

They pulled apart, Hermione a little breathless. Her eyes fixed briefly on the floor before she looked up at him, the ghost of a smile etched upon her face, rain dripping from her eyelashes, and Severus could not tell whether it was rain or tears that dripped from the end of her nose, from her chin, but to him, she looked adorable and he wanted to spend the rest of his life in this moment.

Over the months that had passed since Ron's death, the thought of moving on had often wracked Hermione with guilt. After all, Ron had been the only one she had imagined the rest of her life with. But Severus' gentle kiss, his passionate embrace had only filled her with warmth.

Severus licked his lips. Hers had been slightly sticky from the alcohol she had consumed that day. He looked at the ground between their feet, contemplating what had just happened. He wasn't sure he'd done the right thing, but was pleased she didn't push him away, slap him, ask him what the hell he thought he was doing.

He knew this wasn't the place to be, especially as he could feel tears stinging the back of his own eyes, something he'd not felt in such a long time. He took Hermione's hand in his, and apparated into his own living room. Sitting her down on his couch, he closed the curtains and switched the lights on. He poured some Firewhiskey for them both before sitting next to her.

"I must apologise for my recent behaviour. It seems I have allowed myself to feel again," he said, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Hermione looked him in the eyes. "There is nothing wrong with being able to feel. It's what makes us human."

"I have spent so long shielding myself from that kind of nonsense though, because I know it always ends with someone getting broken."

"But if we don't allow ourselves to feel, what would be the point in living? We'd all just be empty souls waiting for death. Sometimes, you just have to take a chance."

She touched his thigh gently, to show him that she was okay with what was going on.

"Do you want me to take a chance, Granger?"

Nervous as she was, she leant towards Severus and kissed him softly on the lips. He closed his eyes and pulled her close to him.

"Granger, would you do me the honour of allowing me to take you to dinner this evening?" he asked afterwards.

"Yes, of course," she replied smiling.

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

They left the muggle restaurant arm in arm, deep in conversation. Both felt lighter and happier than they had done for some time, but neither admitted it to the other.

They walked around London for a few hours, discussing everything from house elves' rights to Severus' favourite potions, before eventually stopping outside number 12, Grimmauld Place.

"Thank you for walking me home, Professor," Hermione said, blushing slightly.

"Granger, you know by now that it is Severus. And it was my pleasure. I hope to be able to do this again soon."

"Me too, Severus." She tip-toed to kiss him on the cheek before going inside.

Once inside, she made her way to the kitchen to make a hot chocolate, fully expecting Harry and Ginny to be in bed already. She was surprised to see the pair of them sitting at the table, in conversation with George.

"Hey!" he said, turning to look at her.

"Hi," she said, hesitantly. "Well, I'm off to bed, anyway. Shattered." She pretended to stifle a yawn before exiting the kitchen and walking upstairs to her room.

She was just getting into bed when there was a light knock on the door and George slowly entered the room, closing the door behind him.

She was about to tell him to leave when he spoke. "Look, Hermione, before you tell me to get lost, I feel we need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about," she replied without looking up.

"Nothing to…? But, I just thought that-"

"Thought what, George?" she cut across him. "That we could make a go of things? Go on dates, picnics in the park, get married and live happily ever after? Let's just ignore the fact that the love of my life was killed a few months ago, not to mention the fact that he's YOUR BROTHER! What happened between us was a horrible mistake, and I regret every minute of it."

George was taken aback by her sudden outburst, and could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him.

"For your information, Hermione, I wasn't coming here to try and 'make a go of things'. What I wanted was to know that this wouldn't ruin our friendship. But it's good to know what page you're on and where I stand. Goodnight!"

He left the room, slamming the door behind him. Hermione stared at the door taken aback by his sudden rage. Eventually, she turned her lamp off, and lay in the darkness in the foetal position, staring out of the window. A million things ran through her head and thoughts of Ron haunted her to sleep.


	12. And It Feels Like Jealousy

_**A/N: I am so useless at this updating malarkey. But there's nothing like reading an incredible fanfiction to inspire you to update your own. I really have had a bad case of writer's block. I know what I want to write, just not how to write it in a half decent way. If you've not completely forgotten this story, I do enjoy reading your reviews. They are food for the soul. Really.**_

Hermione was laid on her bed the next afternoon, reading a book on growing your own herbs and plants for potion making that she had picked up in Flourish and Blotts that morning. A gentle knocking on her door brought her out of her book.

Ginny entered the room and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I heard you and George talking last night," she said.

Hermione nodded in acknowledgement.

"I don't know what has happened between you two, but he has been on another planet since you guys went to the ball together. He may not talk much about his true feelings, but I have grown up with him; without knowing the full story, I know he feels differently about you now. Hermione, you may be one of my best friends, but he is my brother, and I promise you if you lead him on, or hurt him in any way, you will have me to answer to."

Without giving Hermione a chance to say anything, Ginny left the room.

SSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHGSSHG

Hours later, nose buried in the same book, a tapping at the window made Hermione jump. She glanced up expecting to see an owl waiting, but the window ledge was clear. Another tap at the window caused her to get up and cross the room. She looked down at the street; at first it seemed to be deserted. After a moment she saw a figure in the shadows of a tree looking up at her.

George stepped into the light, so she could see him. She opened the window.

"Can we talk?" he asked in a low voice as she glared down at him.

She nodded once and shut the window. She went downstairs to let him in, and led him to the drawing room, shutting the door behind them.

"I'm really sorry about the other night," he began, sitting on the sofa.

"No, I'm sorry," Hermione interrupted. "I was presumptuous and rude. You were trying to make sure our friendship didn't become weird, and then I just ruined it by yelling at you."

George looked down at his lap, considering his response.

"How about we go for lunch tomorrow, put all of this behind us?" he finally said.

"Are you asking me out on a date?" Hermione replied, a slight smile on her face.

"No!" he responded, quickly. "Just, lunch between two friends and…"

"George. I was joking. I understand your intentions. Lunch sounds great. Shall I meet you outside Gringotts at about 12.30?"

George smiled and nodded. "Ok, 12.30 outside Gringotts. I look forward to it. I had better get going. I shall see you tomorrow."

George made to give Hermione a hug but seemed to think better of it. Hermione took the initiative and gave him a hug.

George held onto her tight, as if reluctant to let her go. Hermione could feel the passion in his grip and recalled what Ginny had said to her earlier. She promptly let go of him, not wanting to give him the wrong signals.

She walked him to the door, opening it for him to take his leave. She jumped with fright when she saw a dark figure shadowing the doorway, however.

Snape noticed the Weasley hovering behind her.

"Granger," he acknowledged, as he walked into the hallway.

"I'll see you tomorrow, George," she said before hurrying him out of the door and promptly closing it behind him.

"Well, this is unexpected," she stated, turning to face him.

It took Snape less than a second to swoop down upon Hermione, planting his lips on hers. She tensed up in surprise for a moment, but relaxed almost instantly. She slipped her tongue inside of his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck. He held onto her hips, while his tongue played with hers.

They pulled apart, both a little breathless.

"What was Weasley doing here so late?" he asked.

"He was inviting me to lunch tomorrow."

"Like a date?"

"No, not a date, just two friends going for lunch."

"Yes, I'm sure that's how he sees it."

"Are you jealous?" Hermione asked, pulling out of his embrace.

"Why would I be jealous of that dunderhead?" he replied.

"I don't know, it's just how you're coming across."

"I apologize; that was not how I wanted to come across."

He took her in his arms, and buried his face in her neck, leaving a trail of kisses from the side of her throat up to the lobe of her ear. Hermione shuddered at the feel of it, and almost collapsed at the feeling of him sucking on her earlobe.

"I take it you like that?" he whispered.

Her answer was another passionate kiss in the dark hallway, before she took his hand and led him up to her bedroom.


End file.
